Scaling Therapist Podcast Tepmlate
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James Marland: Support is not a crutch. Support is a catalyst Research after research proves this people achieve more when they write their goals and check in weekly with a friend.
It doesn't even have to be a coach or somebody you pay, just somebody that you know you're accountable to.
James Marland: Hello and welcome to the Scaling Therapist Podcast. I'm your host, James Marland. This is the show where I help therapists add additional streams of income so that they don't have to max out their calendar and burn out their lives. Before I begin, I wanted to take a moment at the start of the show to just thank the listeners.
Thank you so much for listening. It means a lot to me. Thanks for sticking with me when I didn't really know what I was doing, when the sound was rough, when [00:01:00] the interview questions were weak or shallow. I wanna let you know I am getting better every episode. So thank you so much for sticking with me.
Over the last year. We've gone from a little over 30 listeners in episode to over 80 episode 80 listeners per episode. It's, it's really awesome to see how the show is growing and with your support. I really hope that we continue to grow the show so we we can reach at least a hundred listeners per episode.
Thank you so much. For those who have rated the show Five, five Stars on iTunes, or shared it with the friend, I started the show with the dream of helping therapists scale by adding some sort of additional stream of income. To what they're already doing so that they can help more people without burning out.
We really need compassionate, competent therapists in this day and age. Your support just keeps [00:02:00] me going, so thank you so much.
We're gonna move into the, the show today and we're, that's titled, what If Community is the Shortcut. That's where I wanna start to begin. Uh, I wanna share about a time where I walked into a, a marriage group with my wife. We had our coffee in our hands, and the coffee was in our hands, but there was an uncomfortable silence in the air.
We sat next to each other. We were close together in proximity, but far from each other on the inside. We loved each other, but really we, we were not in love. We'd, we hadn't been in love for years. We'd been married more than 20 years at that point, and just some time, some point during that marriage, we just stopped sharing.
We just stopped sharing what was true [00:03:00] because communication turned to conflict. And then conflict turned into hurt, feelings and silence. And we really just wanted peace. But, but true peace was not a part of our home. So we did what, uh, what many couples do is we accepted fake peace. Just don't talk about it.
Don't bring up bad things. Just don't talk. We had fake peace and the hallmark of our fake peace in our home. Was the word fine? Everything was fine at church people, people asked us, how's your marriage? Oh, it's fine. How are you? Oh, I'm fine. After work, when my wife would talk to me. How was work? Work was fine.
How was your work? Work is fine. We went on date nights mostly to restaurants 'cause I like food. How was, how was that fine? Date nights were fine. [00:04:00] We had zesty, well tasting dinners, but bland conversation and we were just, just stuck. Like we were just going through the motions after several years, I felt like we are just, this is just, this is just it, you know?
This is how marriages work. As a Christian, you don't get married, you don't get divorced, or you avoid it. Uh, just, this is how we're gonna live for the rest of our lives. We kept saying we were fine, but really we were, we were stuck and something had to change. We had to do something different. So we joined a group in our church and we walked in with our secrets and we were sure, you know, we were sure in this marriage group.
Everyone else had it better. Everyone else had it. They were together. We believed we were the only broken ones. We were the only ones who were broken beyond repair. And we hoped, you know, we could get away with saying we were fine and nobody would really see how broken we were. But [00:05:00] then the leaders told their stories, the leaders shared and they shared things about their marriage that were not fine.
They had struggled with intimacy. They had struggled with trust. They had struggled with communication. They'd struggled with money. All the things that we were hiding, all the things that we, we told people that we were fine with, they brought it into the light. And then another couple shared. And guess what?
With the, with the leader couple, sharing, it made it safe for them to share. They said they also struggled with intimacy. They struggled with trust. They struggled with communication with money, and the light started cracking through our minds that we were not alone. And when it was our turn, instead of saying we were fine, which is my was my plan, we said things that we hadn't said in years [00:06:00] and we walked in.
Our secrets and we walked out with some hope because listening to others just like us helped us realize, helped me realize that staying fine or saying we were fine and doing the fake peace was really keeping us stuck. And in this instance, the truth really did set us free. And maybe most importantly, what changed that night is we realized we were not the only ones to struggle, and we did not have to struggle alone.
Well, what? What's that gotta do with business? If marriage is the most private relationship where you hide secrets, I bet business. How your business is doing is probably the second, the second closest guarded secret in your life. And a lot of owners like myself hide there too. Like, we wanna look strong, we [00:07:00] wanna look put together, we want people to ask us about our business.
And, and we, we will just say it's fine, but really, is it fine? Is it really fine? Many of us are carrying debt that we're not sure we're how we're going to pay. Many of us are fighting doubt, like, are we good enough or have I made a mistake? Many of us are worried about where do we find new clients? Who are the people that, that, uh, we can help?
Many of us are stuck on tech or hiring or laws, legal things. Maybe that we're doing the books at midnight, but we keep it inside. We are trained to do it ourselves, but that is wearing us out and it's, it's keeping us stuck. Therefore, because we feel like we gotta do it all ourselves, we stay stuck longer than we need to because we are [00:08:00] isolated, not because we are incapable of doing those things.
So what if community is the shortcut? It wasn't my marriage. It, it was in my business when I got a coach and started joining community groups. So that's where we're going today. One, we're gonna name the solo myth two, we're gonna show why the right people are a sale, not an anchor. And three. I'm gonna give you an action step on something you can do today to break free from the solo myth.
Myth. Now, first, uh, this is, this podcast is, uh, from the culture of the United States, uh, and also I am Southeast Pennsylvania, Lancaster County, where there's a lot of farmers, a lot of pull your stuff, pull yourself up by your bootstrap, rub some dirt [00:09:00] on it, stop you crying. Type of attitudes in the community.
So if this isn't your community, that's okay. We just, we probably just grow up in different areas. But in the United States, we just love the grind. We love the the can-do story, the person who was able to solve all their problems, because where I live hard work matters. And you, you, you figure it out yourself.
You go alone. Going alone is not the same as working hard or working well. Going alone can be just a, a pretty big trap. One of the, uh, one of the people that I listen to and, uh, respect a lot is Donald Miller, and he talks about this in his book, coach Builder, and he tells us coaches, he asks, he, he pre one of the chapters in the book is all about joining our community.
He tells coaches to build or join a community so you can grow [00:10:00] faster, get support, get ideas and accountability. I think we all kind of know this, right? I mean, you've, you've been to group you've seen group group therapy sessions. You've been to groups yourself. You've, you've seen the power of groups.
I don't think this is a earth shattering idea, but just knowing it, knowing this idea. Does not make the habit of joining communities easy. It does not make vulnerability easy, does not make sharing secrets and being authentic easy because we're, we're pretty much trained from, from birth or maybe from high school to just do it yourself.
So let me, let me share with you some moments when community moved me faster than my effort alone. I used to think and still probably still do for a little bit, that real strength means just doing it by yourself. [00:11:00] But asking for help has actually really changed me. The, the first idea is not necessarily a business idea, but it's something that I really wanted to do myself as a man.
I wanted to, remodel the basement. I wanted to remodel the basement. And our basement just was a concrete floor with, uh, somebody had started to remodel it. They put up a wall and that was it. And I wanted a place to entertain. I wanted a place to put a tv, a big TV to watch my Godzilla, star Trek movies, star Wars, uh, maybe some sports and a comfy place down there.
You know what, I, I do not know how to make a straight wall. The, the like walls have to be straight. They have to be like straight up and down and straight left or right. I didn't know these things. I didn't know how to make a corner. I didn't know how to cut wood. I was afraid of the circular saw, you know, you could cut a finger off of those things.[00:12:00]
Measuring, you know, measuring things. So, so everything fit in like, it was very scary to me, but I really wanted this basement. One day, I, I asked my friend Joe for help, and Joe builds stuff all the time. And we made a, we made a group event out of it and he invited me and uh, him and some other people just invited people and 10 or more people showed up.
And in one day we framed out the basement, like we, we framed it out and got it ready for electrical and drywall. Months of work for me anyways, maybe even more because I'm not very good at it. And I was scared of the saw months of work in a day, and over the next week they kept helping. When I had the electrical questions, one of the electrical guys came lighting.
Somebody who knew lighting help, drywall. I had somebody help with drywall, but I did most of that myself, and I did [00:13:00] it so much. They encouraged me so much that I became known as the drywall guy, somebody who had no, no construction skills five years ago. I now can go to anybody's house and, and put up a sheet of drywall and do it.
Okay. Not a professional, but it, it gets done. And, um, if I had tried to do all, all that myself, you know, 10 years later it, it probably still would not be done. It would be slow and sloppy and just not up to what I had envisioned in my heart. My mind and the group is what helped me. The group kept encouraging me.
The group would ask me how I was doing. The group asked for pictures. The group made it possible for me to go further, faster, and, and really, your income flow is the same when you think about it. Support is not a crutch. Support is a [00:14:00] catalyst Research after research proves this people achieve more when they write their goals and check in weekly with a friend.
It doesn't even have to be a coach or somebody you pay, just somebody that you know you're accountable to. The group that did that outperformed every other group in a randomized study, and that's from the, the, the Dominican University. But there's probably many other studies about that. So this is something for you to think about, even if you did nothing else from this podcast or anything, who, or two people that could help you, whether with support or accountability for your next project.
Do you know them? Maybe one name came to your mind. Just say it, say it out loud
so you can get, go further faster With [00:15:00] help.
Community has done more for me than my own Hustle has. Community has helped me with two other things that I struggle with here. Here's some of the business examples, because the right people are actually a sale for you, not an anchor. We might think, oh, if I build these relationships with people, that goes to ask stuff for me and it'll take away from my real work.
I mean, we all think that, but community has helped me struggle with two things. Two things that I struggle with, networking on LinkedIn and reconciling my checkbook. Two things that I actually don't either. I don't feel comfortable doing or I don't like doing. There are things that I know are important to run the business, but they keep getting pushed back further and further on my to-do list.
So one one week, about a year ago, I joined a group of other entrepreneurs who agreed to post every week. 'cause it was a weakness for them too. And they were gonna [00:16:00] support the other people in the group. Now because of that accountability and it's on my calendar and it's becoming a habit, and because I get the encouragement from people throughout the week who notice and reply and like I post every week.
I resisted doing this alone. Like I resisted mightily doing this alone and just kept putting it off. But now I do it every week. It's regular and I'm, you know, I'm making cool friends along the way and developing the network. The other thing that is business related that you need to do from time to time is check on your finances, pay your bills, send the invoices, balance the checkbook things.
I struggle with the, the details and all the, just, I just struggle with it and it's nothing. It's something I can do, but it's just not fun. It's not fun to do those things. So I waited and put it off and put it off. You know, when you put those things off, [00:17:00] they don't go away. So the longer I waited, the harder I got, the harder it got.
So I, I, one day I resisted this, but I got an invite to a group that said, Hey, we're gonna have Fun Financial Friday or something like that. And every Friday we're just gonna get together, say hi, tell everybody what we're working on, and then do a little. 60 minute sprint or 45 minute sprint doing the financial tasks, tracking sales expenses, you know, reconciling stuff.
I resisted listeners, I resisted this for like two months and they kept inviting me and then finally I'm like, okay, I gotta do this. 'cause you know, reconciliation and tracking, it's not getting any easier and it, you know. It was wonderful. I gotta admit joining that group has been a real, uh, boon for me because I was putting off easy, relatively easy work that I could [00:18:00] do because it wasn't fun, but it stuck in my mind.
It just stuck there. It stayed there, and I was, I worried about it and I was like, oh, I gotta do this. And it just, just like the, the thing that. That stayed there, and it was always on my mind because I wasn't doing it. I was always worried that I'd get in trouble or I'd miss a payment or a bill or, you know, I knew I needed to do it.
But when I started doing it and I, this group held me accountable and they kept inviting me, it, it really made, it really took that burden off my mind. And, you know, I'm not doing this hard work alone. And maybe that's just, you know, maybe that's something you need. Because connections beat. What do connections beat?
I wanna tell you friends, these connections beat willpower, hands down. I tried to grind it out. I tried to say, oh, I'm gonna do it and put it on my to-do list. [00:19:00] But these connections, these networking, this accountability has totally. Beat the willpower that I did not have. The accountability beats, beats the limited reserve of willpower that you have.
And I just wanna go back to my be the beginning story. Being real is probably the hardest thing to do. At home and in business, and I think I had to get real. This is my story. I had to get real at home before I could get, be honest at work.
The business insight here is people draw closer to you when they realize you are being authentic.
We really, we do wanna present, like we know what we're doing and we have a polished image, but the same authenticity that helps me in my marriage is also what I'm learning is the authenticity [00:20:00] helps me. Researchers show that appropriate self-disclosure increases how much people like you and trust you. It's very difficult to make any sales or build any relationships with customers if they don't like you and trust you.
Yet. The very thing we do is like, oh, I'm perfect. I have everything together. I, uh, you know, I have no, there's no, no cracks in this shell. The, the very, the very thing that we hide, the authenticity is the very thing that can connect us to the customers that really need us. what do you think is one detail about you right now that clients would love, that your ideal client would wanna know about you?
Maybe it's a small flaw. Maybe it's, uh, something you, you really love. Maybe you're into coffee, maybe you're into wine, maybe you're into. Maybe you [00:21:00] like to grill. I don't know. I'm just choosing very extreme things here. Those being real about it is going to drive your ideal customer to you.
What if it's not about proving you can do it alone? What if it's not about grinding it out and rubbing dirt on it and saying, you're fine. What if about what if it, what if it, what if getting unstuck is just about receiving support that rewrites what you believe is impossible or gives you accountability to do the things you know you need to do.
You're not stuck because you can't do it. You're stuck because you're, you're probably trying to do it alone. You don't need more grit. You just need more people like you who believe in you before you believe in yourself.
So what I want you to do today, maybe as you turn off this [00:22:00] episode or before the end of the night, text that person you thought of who, who could be your support. Ask for 15 minutes of their time to swap some ideas about your next offer. Tell them, be real with them about what's going on. Be authentic. If you want to talk to me about setting up goals for the next 90 days, click the link in the show notes to set up a, a talk to me and set up an action plan.
It's one of the things I love to do, but whatever you do, please do not stay alone. Don't be stuck alone. Use the resources that you have to, to give that accountability, support and ideas that will move you forward. If this hit home, just tell, tell somebody in your community that this helped you go further faster.
Post it in the comments. Share it online. Tag somebody [00:23:00] who this, somebody who's helped you in the past and this show reminded you of how much they helped you Tag 'em and say, this show made, this show reminded me of how, how great it is to be your friend. Remember, We are really not made to do this alone.
The work you do as an entrepreneur, the work you do as somebody who cares for other people, it's very difficult. You don't have to do it alone, and you don't have to do it alone anymore. So if you found this show useful, please gimme a five star rating on iTunes. Share it with a friend. Next week I'm gonna be traveling to Nashville for the A A CC conference.
If you wanna meet up with me, uh, just email [email protected]. Love to chat with some people in real life at this, uh, conference that has about 7,000 people going [00:24:00] to it, so I'm very excited about that. You don't have to do it alone. Reach out to somebody for support because you can go further faster when you have the support of a group who believes in you.
This is James Marlin. Till next time.
