STP 149 | People To Support Your Success
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[00:00:07] James Marland: When you're taking a risk in business when you're doing that, the friction is normal. It's normal to feel uncomfortable, it's normal to feel like you are an imposter.
[00:00:20] S being slow is normal. Confusion's normal, discomfort is normal. Not always getting the right feedback, messages that confirms that we're going in the right way. That's normal. And when you're doing that work in isolation, your brain is like, doesn't interpret those signals as like, oh, this is good. It's part of the process.
[00:00:40] It's telling you, ah, danger. This is proof that you shouldn't be going this way.
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[00:00:49] James Marland: Have you ever found yourself asking, I wish there was a solution for my growth problem. I wish I could find a trusted service provider coach. Or [00:01:00] mentor to help me grow my practice or my business. Well, I have often felt that too, so I've created a resource called the scaling therapist services.com. It's where you can find trusted providers of services to help you solve your business growth needs.
[00:01:18] It's small right now, but as I continue to have experts and get the previous experts from the show onto that directory. There's going to be a list of trusted people that you can use to grow your business and solve your business bottlenecks. Check it [email protected]. And if you wanna recommend a friend, go to the recommend a service, tab, and recommend somebody that you think other therapists should use for their business.
[00:01:49] I'm really exci excited about this project and I hope you join in, be one of the first to join up. And if you have any questions, [email protected] or fill out [00:02:00] the form on scaling therapist services.com. Thanks so much.
[00:02:07] I didn't realize it at the time, but that was the last I would open those files for nearly 10 years. All those files were sitting in the folders and on my desktop and in my computer. There was documents, notes, spreadsheets, drafts, things I'd spent so much time and energy making and pouring over was so important to me.
[00:02:33] And I remember closing the files and just thinking I'd come back to this soon but I, I didn't, those files just represented years of work. With meetings, phone calls, conversation with church leaders, community leaders. The mental health organization I worked at, I read books on [00:03:00] mentoring and trauma and systems.
[00:03:03] I went to school to uh, it was at Lancaster Bible College for a master's in ministry, and I met with organizations and other. Other mentoring organizations, studying policies, creating handouts, creating marketing material, figuring out the best practices to carry out this single idea. I wanted to link the people of the church who have the most love with kids who were in this mental health shelter that I was working at, so that they could experience the love of at least one adult.
[00:03:43] Because I had noticed something. The kids who had made the most progress weren't always the ones who had the best therapists or the best treatment plans, but they, but what they all had was the support of one adult, one caring adult, and they formed a [00:04:00] relationship with them. They didn't have to like everyone, they didn't have to get along with everyone, but they had to have someone.
[00:04:07] So I had this vision. What if we just connected those kids with, at the shelter, with adults from local churches? They, they could give consistency, they could give love, they could give guidance and give it unconditionally. The church would show up with energy and show up with resources, and the kids wouldn't be alone.
[00:04:31] I thought it was a win-win for everyone. So I took this idea from church to church. From organization to organization. And some people liked it and some people asked good questions, some people leaned in. But over time I just kept getting no's, like the message started to crystallize like, well, this is a nice ministry for somebody else, but we can't support it.
[00:04:58] Right now we're, we're too busy [00:05:00] building our own. We can't get enough volunteers for our own ministries. We're not gonna be able to support another ministry to other kids who may or may not be part of our com congregation. So it, it wasn't like there was like one big No. In fact, people were excited about the idea.
[00:05:19] It just wasn't, it just wasn't, yes. Like there wasn't enough Yes. To make it go. I didn't know how to raise support. I didn't know how to do funding. I was doing this pretty much. On my own. And so the resistance that I kept hearing just made the echo in my head louder and louder. You're not gonna be able to do this.
[00:05:38] You can't do it. And so, because I was carrying this vision all alone, just every rejection just landed like a sledgehammer. It just landed uh, just it was crushing and there was nobody there. To help me get back up. There was nobody to help me when I stumbled. There was nobody to help me with my intrusive, [00:06:00] negative thoughts.
[00:06:01] No one was there to be like, oh, well of course this is hard. You're doing something new. Of course you are going to struggle. You are doing something new. And of course the organizations you're taking into are gonna struggle. 'cause that's what it's new. This is what hard work means, but stay the course.
[00:06:16] I didn't have a coach, I didn't have a mentor myself. I didn't have partners, I didn't have anyone helping me to help me think through the obstacles and be more realistic with my idealism. So when, when all that resistance started to stack up, so did discouragement and eventually, I didn't give up.
[00:06:38] It just faded. Um, and today that those ideas live in folders. They live in the folders in the, on the internet, and a few papers that I have kept on my, in my folders at home. And it's not that this wasn't worthwhile, it's not that this idea doesn't have merit or meaningful, but [00:07:00] I made a mistake.
[00:07:01] I was carrying it alone. I was trying to accomplish this alone without support or people, and. It faded. It faded away. It became that dream, that idea that I, I talk about all the time. That just dies in a desk drawer. You it, you put it away. You get burdened down by the things that, that just pile on top of it, other important things.
[00:07:27] And it, it took me years to understand that one of my big mistakes was as, as passionate as I was, as v as much as a vision that I had for it. As much as many people were saying, oh, this is meaningful the, I didn't have support, I did not have the people to support me, I. You can do harder things.
[00:07:52] When you work with a group of people, the work is easier to do and um, or easier to [00:08:00] continue doing. I don't think the work we do is easy at all, but it's easier to continue when you don't walk alone. And there's, there's wisdom in the Bible about this. It says when somebody falls, others can help them up.
[00:08:13] When strength is shared, it's harder to break the three stranded cord. It's difficult to break or who can break it. I was trying to do it all alone. I didn't understand, back then, I didn't understand how important having people to support you was. But you know, I'm a little wiser now and I know, I know now you can't do some big things alone.
[00:08:38] The vision didn't disappear because it was wrong. It just eroded. It eroded because I was trying to do it all myself, and I started believing the half truths and negative thoughts in my head. So that's where we're gonna begin today. We're gonna talk about people to support you. If you haven't listened to the show yet, [00:09:00] uh, welcome.
[00:09:00] My name's James Marland. I work with therapists and other people in the helping profession who really care deeply about their work, but they're starting to. They're starting to grow and they're, they're starting to run into problems. So that's where I show up. I help therapists turn their experience into scalable income, influence, and independence.
[00:09:21] And I do this by introducing them to the tools, ideas, and experts that solve their problems and make their growing and scaling experience easier, not heavier. I like to say, I want to help you grow without the grind. So this show exists because a lot of growth problems aren't really skill problems or effort problems.
[00:09:43] They're support problems, and I'm here to be a support to you. Now, if any of that opening conversation felt familiar where you have this dream, but you're trying to do it all alone. This, this show, this conversation is for [00:10:00] you and I wanna keep you from experiencing what I did where my dream slowly died in a desk drawer.
[00:10:09] In review, this is the last part of our three pillars of scalable income. This episode is the final part in the series, and. I'm gonna keep the review brief, but the first pillar is clarity. That's knowing what you're building and why, who you're billing building it for, and you want your efforts to pay off.
[00:10:32] The second pillar is connection. How people experience your work and how your value moves for to the people you want to serve. You're creating a path, a ladder, and connection points along the way. And uh, our final pillar here is confidence. Confidence is what keeps you moving. It's what keeps you, uh, building.
[00:10:52] It's what keeps you growing, even when the results are not there yet. The last two episodes we talked [00:11:00] about the proof to share. That's your evidence that, uh, your work really helps people and it sh it's a signal to. It's a signal to the community, but also it's a signal to your heart. Like you can share this evidence to other people, but also it's really good to keep those good messages and, uh, remember that you are doing meaningful work.
[00:11:19] And then before that, we talked about the path to follow, which is a clear direction that simplifies your decisions. That was an exciting an exciting episode. Pretty much based on some of the work from Donald Miller, uh, with coach coach Builder and also Benjamin Hardy. 10 x is easier than two x and who not how, and the signs of scaling.
[00:11:44] And most recently I'm reading tool. Time is a tool excellent short book that I think you should read. So, today we're gonna talk about that final piece. Uh, we're gonna talk about the people to support your success because even with [00:12:00] proof, and even with like big goals, when you're just alone by yourself, confidence can erode if you carry that vision alone.
[00:12:10] So we're gonna talk about the real problem.
[00:12:12] our brains are wired to keep us safe. They're not designed to help us jump outside our comfort zone. The brain's like scanning for threats. It's looking for reasons to avoid taking risks. And when we sense this risk, we feel discomfort, which is, it's the brain's designed to.
[00:12:34] Keep us safe, keep us in the familiar, keep us from exposing ourself and getting hurt. That's helpful when you know the danger is real. When you're being chased by a lion or a tiger or, um, you're, the, the water is rising and you're like, oh, I gotta get outta here. It's like, get outta here, get safe.
[00:12:56] But. It becomes a real [00:13:00] problem. This brain trying to keep you safe. It becomes a real problem when you're trying to do something new, when you're going outside of your comfort zone. When you're taking a risk in business when you're doing that, the friction is normal. It's normal to feel uncomfortable, it's normal to feel like you are an imposter.
[00:13:22] S being slow is normal. Confusion's normal, discomfort is normal. Not always getting the right feedback, messages that confirms that we're going in the right way. That's normal. And when you're doing that work in isolation, your brain is like, doesn't interpret those signals as like, oh, this is good. It's part of the process.
[00:13:42] It's telling you, ah, danger. This is proof that you shouldn't be going this way. One of the in the mountain is you, Brianna. We talks about this and I loved how she described it. I would recommend anyone to read this book, especially if you've been stuck for a while. [00:14:00] But she, uh, she describes how we often self-sabotage.
[00:14:03] We self sabotage. Not because we don't want growth, but because growth threatens our sense of safety. So when discomfort shows up, our mind starts building a case. Our mind is like a lawyer, and it's like, this isn't for you. You should stop. This is a sign to stop going. This is dangerous. You're not gonna be safe.
[00:14:28] That's confirmation bias. Your brain is looking for the data that keeps you safe. And in the absence of other voices where there, there aren't other people giving you, helping you interpret the truth, your brain is looking for. The evidence to make you return to what is normal, to return to comfort, to return to the safest option.
[00:14:54] And isolation is it's a, it's, it erodes [00:15:00] your confidence. You know, I'm a recovering semi introvert, but I see this. Myself all the time. There are moments when I'm in a room or on a call or in a meeting or in a group, and I definitely know the answer. But I don't put myself out there because. When you put yourself out there, you are, you're setting yourself up to be criticized. You're setting yourself up for danger. And I've lived that because growing up, be volunteering, putting yourself out there. I was always the new kid. If you've heard some of my episodes, I've, I've, I went to like nine different schools growing up, and so the new kid always gets picked on. So I learned to hide in the shadows and at home with, uh, if you made too much noise or you, you were disruptive or you were often.
[00:15:59] [00:16:00] Singled out and disciplined. And so I learned early on don't raise your hand, don't volunteer. Don't draw attention to yourself, because my brain was saying, well, leadership isn't safe. Drawing attention to yourself isn't safe. Being noticed could be dangerous. And this, this message came from my past and controlled me.
[00:16:23] Those truths. Truths in air, quotes in my brain. It didn't feel like fear. It felt like safety. It felt like wisdom, and that's how that confirmation bias works. In the past, maybe I was protected from some uncomfortableness, but I'm still using the past to dictate my future, and that that past that story of the past does not serve me anymore.
[00:16:46] It doesn't help me anymore. I'm not in danger. From, you know, being made fun of as the new kid in school anymore. But when you're, when you're alone with those thoughts, they don't say that. They, [00:17:00] uh, Hey, I'm protecting you from something in your past. They're trying to become truth.
[00:17:04] They're trying to present themselves as your reality. And so your belief, you, if you believe it without examining it. If your behavior changes, if, like me, I won't raise my hand. I won't call myself out. I take fewer risks. I struggle with why the fear of being called out and even being seen as a leader.
[00:17:29] And that's a, that's a significant that's a significant limiting belief. So I have these beliefs. You have your own beliefs. I don't know what your story is, but we have these limiting beliefs, and if we don't have people around us there there's no other truth that we have than the truth that's in our head.
[00:17:47] That is why people matter so much when we're trying to do these new things and maintain confidence. People don't remove [00:18:00] risk. People don't do the work for you. People don't change the outcomes. They give you a way to interpret reality. They help you stay on the path and maintain your confidence even when your brain is fighting with you.
[00:18:20] Even when your emotions start na negotiating with you and saying, Hey, this isn't safe. The other people in your life help you see the proof that you are quick to dismiss. And one of the things that I've learned is sometimes these people even support the vision before you even believe it yourself.
[00:18:42] Like they see something in you. They see something in what you're trying to accomplish. They get on board and they are a hundred percent behind you, even when you are still struggling with the confidence yourself. I have often said I want, I wanna give people hope. I want [00:19:00] them to borrow my hope so that before they even have it themselves, before they even develop their own hope, people don't.
[00:19:10] Lose confidence because they fail. They lose confidence because they're trying to make sense of all this uncertainty and all these signals alone. And their past often is one of the loudest voices in the room.
[00:19:24] There is people who can support you and not all the support is the same, but I'm gonna give you three, I think three different kinds of support. You can have, that you can experience, that can help you interpret what's going on in your life.
[00:19:40] The first one is a coach. Coach or a mentor. A good coach is a shortcut.
[00:19:46] They've walked the path they've hit the walls that you're gonna hit. They've climbed those hills. They can tell you what matters, what to focus on and what to ignore. I've often said this and I've also, I've often, I've [00:20:00] experienced it sometimes one clear idea. It's worth far more than all the time and all the money you're going to invest because that one good idea is gonna save you hundreds of hours, many tears, lots of weeping and uh, gnashing of teeth and money.
[00:20:20] One good idea from a trusted mentor can save you all that.
[00:20:25] The second person that you're gonna need in your life is peers. Peers are the people who are walking beside you, who are traveling the same ground. They're like the boots on the ground next to you. They work alongside you, they work with you.
[00:20:38] They normalize what's going on. If you can talk with those people, if you can experience what they're going through, if they can share with you their struggles, uh, and their successes, then it normalizes what you are doing. They help you realize, I'm not that, I'm not as behind as far.
[00:20:56] I'm not that far behind as I thought I was. I'm [00:21:00] just in my section. I'm just in my part. And you can do that hard work together. And it's easier to go further when you're traveling in a group that is all heading in the same direction.
[00:21:12] Sometimes there's just people in your life that pick you up and give you a different sense of reality, and they can interpret the spiral before it takes hold.
[00:21:22] They can also hold you accountable. Sometimes you need somebody to hold you accountable or to knock you down a peg so you don't believe. All, you know, if you've had massive success, you you need people in your life to get, continue to give you a level head. Head. This isn't the thrust of this podcast, but.
[00:21:41] Often the people who fall either in business or have moral failings are the people who are the loneliness, loneliness low. They're alone. They're the people who have either isolated people or start to believe all the hype about themselves. And sometimes you need that, that, that reality.
[00:21:59] [00:22:00] Check that mirror. To realize, you know, you're just as failable as everyone else. So you're gonna need that accountability and, uh, the person to, will share with you what's really going on. So how do these people help you build your confidence? They help you test your judgment. They help you test the truth that you are trying to interpret. They, when you discount your own wins, they are going to hold you up and encourage you. They're gonna remind you what progress looks like.
[00:22:31] They're gonna help you remember the path that you're on, the vision that you're holding, the dreams that you have, and they're gonna tell you what are some of the options that you're taking that are not good for the, the big goal that you have? They're going to, they're gonna help you stay. Stay on course and keep from drifting.
[00:22:52] They're gonna give you hope. When you don't always have the hope yourself, When you feel like giving up, they're gonna remind you of why you're doing this [00:23:00] When they share what's going on in their lives and how they're struggling, you are going to be enlightened. Enlightened, and also you will be able to share and help them, which also keeps the group growing. this is what I wanna leave you with.
[00:23:15] If your idea, your dream that you're thinking of giving up. It's not that you are a failure. It's not that your, your goal is bad. It's not that you're doing anything wrong. Your confidence could be shaking because you are getting all these interpret, you're getting all this data and, and your mind is trying to keep you safe.
[00:23:37] It's trying to keep you from taking risks and. You might not have the outside perspective to keep you going on the path that you started. instead of asking like, what am I doing or how can I accomplish this? Ask who am I traveling with? Who is going [00:24:00] on this journey with me? Who helps me stay oriented?
[00:24:04] Who do I. Take the my experiences and have them help me interpret them who slows me down and helps me find the baby steps of progress, who helps me interpret my fear and anxiety. If you don't have those people in your life, the coach, the mentor, the encourager, the person who gives you accountability, that doesn't mean you are going to fail or you're failing. It just means you're carrying something by yourself. That might be too heavy for you. Might be, you don't have the people that give you feedback that you need or the advice that you need and what you can do.
[00:24:44] Like, you don't have to do this alone. You can either look for a group to to join or start a group yourself. If you had know enough people, 3, 4, 5 people. That you can bring together for a weekly or a monthly meeting [00:25:00] and then do that. Or if you're not the organiza, organiz organizing type, connect with a group that can do it.
[00:25:09] If you want help thinking through this and thinking through your support. And what that support could look like for you, you could visit course creation studio.com or email me directly, [email protected]. I'd be willing to, uh, process this with you. I really enjoy hearing from people who listen to the show.
[00:25:29] Any feedback is welcome, so definitely reach out.
[00:25:34] Remember confidence. This last part of confidence, it's not about. Being fearless. It's not about being invulnerable, it's actually about being supported enough to keep going when things don't immediately make sense. You were never meant to carry your vision alone.
[00:25:55] This is James Marland. It's now time to find some [00:26:00] support to help you put your mission in motion. We'll see you next time.
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