STP 147 | Confidence
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[00:00:03] James Marland: No matter how much effort you put in, it just never feels like enough.
[00:00:08] And your mind will do these half truths. The half truths that have, that are so poisonous because there's a tiny bit of truth in it, but then. Then your mind just latches on to only the negative and it'll show up thoughts like, oh, there's better people than me at this who would buy from me. I didn't make any sales with that email.
[00:00:31] It's probably a sign I should give up. And they sound convincing. But those thoughts, they're not facts. They're just interpretations made because you're uncertain.
[00:00:45] Most experienced therapists do not struggle with confidence because they're trained in the therapy room. You know what you're doing. You have been supervised, you've been corrected, you've made some mistakes. You went [00:01:00] through internships. You've done the time. You've earned that confidence. Now when confidence starts to wobble, could be other areas in businesses, business, finances, marketing, exploring into other markets, courses, teaching, writing books, public speaking.
[00:01:22] Anything that you didn't train eight to 10 years to do could be difficult to build the confidence to do. When you start trying to do those things, suddenly you're, you're just back at the beginning. That's where this voice shows up. This, maybe this isn't for me. Maybe I'm not good at this. I should be better at this than now.
[00:01:41] And this just didn't work out. I should go back to what is safe, what is secure, but what I wanted to start out this episode with it is the, that that voice in your head, that's not evidence. That's just. Your discomfort the [00:02:00] newness of being a beginner. Again, you're, you're used to being an expert in the therapy room and now you're a beginner.
[00:02:09] Think about this. You wouldn't tell your clients they're failing because their growth and they're trying something new because it feels awkward. You wouldn't tell your clients that they're failing when they try something new and it didn't go as planned. You shouldn't, you wouldn't tell them to stop after the first attempt because it feels bad.
[00:02:30] But we say those things to ourselves. We say we should stop Confidence doesn't break because we're incapable, but because we're just, we're expecting ourselves to be perfect right out of the gate from the first time you try something new that you didn't spend eight to 10 years to learn.
[00:02:48] I think you understand when you look at it that way, that that expectation is just, it's just unreasonable, the fear of getting outside your comfort zone is just costing you [00:03:00] momentum. when you try something new and it doesn't work out, you don't, normally, we don't quit loudly. We're just like, well, that's it, and we're done.
[00:03:08] We just sort of like, well, I'm gonna do this later. And we just, we quit quietly and we retreat and then we stop experimenting, and then we stop talking about the idea that mattered so much to us, and we go back to what feels safe, not because that's what's best for us. Because it, because the brain wants you to be safe.
[00:03:30] It wants you to be comfortable. It loves the familiar, it loves to understand what's going on. So if that sounds like you, this episode is gonna help stabilize you. Confidence is not just believing in yourself harder, but it's believing that you're walking in the right direction, even when you can't see the feedback.
[00:03:53] And to do that, we're going to look for some proof. Proof is part of the confidence section in the three [00:04:00] pillars of. Scalable income. If you've been listening to this series, we've already talked about several of the other pillars. We've talked about clarity. That's the first pillar. CL simply clarity is just knowing why you do what you do, who you're serving, and what you're building, and what you're gonna charge.
[00:04:19] If you don't know what you're doing, if you don't know how your help, you can be worked very hard, going in the wrong direction. So you gotta have clarity. Pillar two is connection. That's how people experience you. That's where you show up. That's the path that they take to get your benefit. Uh, that's how you explain your value.
[00:04:41] And today we're gonna, we're gonna introduce the third pillar, which is confidence. Confidence is what determines whether you keep going. When your clarity is tested and when you feel like giving up and like things are going slow, confidence has three [00:05:00] parts. There's the proof to share. That's what we're gonna talk about today, your plan to scale and people to support your success.
[00:05:09] The proof to share is what we're gonna start out with because I think it's one of the most impactful ones because it's really all around us, but. We're not experts at looking for it. We're not experts at looking for the proof we're at, we're not experts at asking for it or seeing it. So we're gonna talk about the core idea of confidence.
[00:05:32] Uh, let's get into it. So the core idea is this. Confidence has two sides. There's your confidence in yourself. Your direction that you're going the right way. And then two, there's the confidence other people place in you and your work. Those two, they kind of feed off each other because when you doubt yourself, you hesitate.
[00:05:52] When you hesitate, people feel it. When people don't respond and they're not contradicting [00:06:00] your imposter syndrome ideas in your head, that doubt grows and then it feeds on each other. The less feedback you hear, the less feedback you are perceiving, the more doubts and lack of confidence grows.
[00:06:14] So that loop is crushing if you're not tracking or looking for proof that your idea is working. The only thing that you're gonna have is the imposter syndrome ideas in your head. So we have to look for and uncover proof that interrupts that loop, that interrupts that that crushing loop.
[00:06:36] Proof is not hype. It's not bragging, it's not pretending that everything's okay and you're just looking for the good stuff. Proof is just evidence. It's feedback. It's the, the things real people say when you help them and what they do differently from what you have shown them. The problem [00:07:00] is most therapists miss this because they're experts.
[00:07:03] It's the curse of knowledge. You already have proof. You just don't treat it like proof. You. Uh hmm. How do I say this nicely? You radical, you radically undervalue your own experience. You see things because of your years of experience. You see things as common sense, but it, it's, it really, it's really only common sense because you've lived it for years.
[00:07:29] You've seen the problems over and over again. You recognize the pattern, you've walked the path of pain. With other people. And in your therapy office, the proof is you have full schedules. People are seeking you out for your help. Some of the things you might say offhanded in either social media posts or in conversations, people are like, wow, that is so brilliant.
[00:07:52] That's so insightful. And you like wave it off. Oh, doesn't everybody know those things? Like [00:08:00] I love reading some posts, social media posts by therapists, because some of the things I think they're typing offhand or just off the cuff are just really great insights and beneficial to the human the human condition, the human mind.
[00:08:17] And it's not obvious what they, what they think is obvious. It's not obvious. It's really just distilled wisdom. It's distilled wisdom from years and years of sitting with the pain, years and years of talking with people with the problems, years and years of recognizing what works and what doesn't work.
[00:08:36] And it comes easy to you because you've had the training and the experience, the supervision, the internships some success, some from failure. And you can distill that into, wi wisdom and not seeing it can, not seeing your your experience as experience can kill your confidence, but I see it and other people see it too.[00:09:00]
[00:09:00] So what happens? What happens when you don't see the proof as proof? What happens is when you try something new and you're not looking for. You the, you are not looking for the signs that things are working. You're not asking for it, you're not seeing it. You're gonna post something, you're gonna launch something, you're gonna share an idea, and then because you're not looking or asking for it, you don't get any feedback.
[00:09:28] Nothing happens. You share your course, nothing happens. You send out an email nothing happens. This is the killer part. Your mind fills the silence. Your mind fills the silence with all the negative thoughts that you've ever had. And because nobody gave you feedback or you didn't get the response you expected you, you fill all the thoughts with negative interpretation.
[00:09:50] You interpret it, it just confirms it's confirmation bias. Nobody said anything about it. It must be bad. And that is like. [00:10:00] Trying to fill the confidence as a whole, and you're just trying to fill it with a teaspoon of dirt at one teaspoon at a time. No matter how much effort you put in, it just never feels like enough.
[00:10:15] And your mind will do these half truths. The half truths that have, that are so poisonous because there's a tiny bit of truth in it, but then. Then your mind just latches on to only the negative and it'll show up thoughts like, oh, there's better people than me at this who would buy from me. I didn't make any sales with that email.
[00:10:38] It's probably a sign I should give up. And they sound convincing. But those thoughts, they're not facts. They're just interpretations made because you're uncertain. Now, proof doesn't. Eliminate uncertainty, but it gives you something solid to stand on when your emotions fade. Like we start things, we start, normally.
[00:10:58] We start these projects [00:11:00] because we have this flash of insight, this vision of how things could be. We get started and then we get knocked down. And if you don't start collecting proof, if you don't start collecting this data, if you don't start grounding your what you're doing in facts. Your emotion's gonna fade and you're going and your, your vision for the future is also gonna fade.
[00:11:23] Grounded confidence. What we're going for here, grounded confidence that is grounded in proof, feels different. It feels like you're climbing a hill to see a wonderful view. You believe it's there even if you can't see it yet. You know, climbing that hill is work, you know, it's effort. You can't see the results, but you keep going anyways.
[00:11:50] Proof is what lets you keep climbing. Here's an example from my life. Recently I joined a gym. I joined a gym this year [00:12:00] because I belong to a camping group and we hike. We hike a lot. Uh, we hike for ice cream is on our t-shirt. Well, we don't have a t-shirt yet, but if we did, we hike, I hike for ice cream would be on the t-shirt and.
[00:12:14] I not being an avid hiker those hikes are difficult for me, but I wanna go on these hikes to see more of the views and I wanna hang out with the group. So this year I joined a gym so I could hike more. I am preparing myself with work to to see the things I wanna see, to explore the world and expand my horizons.
[00:12:39] And I wanna see. With this work, I will be able to see things that I haven't been able to see I'm trying to draw the comparison that it's that way just as it is for hikes and preparing for that hike. It's the same way for our business. We confidently do the work in our business or at the gym for [00:13:00] hiking.
[00:13:00] We confidently do the work knowing we are working for an unseen vision. When I'm hiking, I am working for the unseen vision of this glorious scape overlooking the hills at sunset with leaves. I'm looking for that glorious view of the future in business. I'm looking for the glorious view of the time when I can help more people achieve their dreams so that they can help more people.
[00:13:27] Now at the gym, I'm confident my work is gonna pay off to help me see this future, even though I. I'm not there yet, but I'm confident because I'm tracking my progress. I track how many days I go and I have a goal of going a certain amount of days for a certain amount of time a week. I track that and I have proof that I'm doing that.
[00:13:50] I weigh myself. I track how long I do things. While I can't I can't hike the way I want to today. I [00:14:00] am confident that I'm going to be able to achieve those results in the future, and I'm just as confident that when you put the work in in the business, it's gonna pay off.
[00:14:10] The problem is the results don't show up instantly. You have to track them and look for them. Just like I track my time at the gym or how often I go, you have to track and look for the signs of growth, even when the growth isn't always there. That builds confidence and it gives you the proof to stand on when your emotions run low.
[00:14:33] Most meaningful proof in business, especially early on, does not show up. Automatically, it's not there. Just the first thing you try is you get instant results. You have to work for the proof. You have to ask for it. That's why asking for proof and talking to your customers are really [00:15:00] important.
[00:15:01] Now, let's take a side, a detour here. I'm not a lawyer. And I. I know there are specific guidelines on asking for proof or results or testimonials from your clients. There's ethical guidelines by your organizations, and most professional bodies prohibit or discourage strongly, but the ones I looked up, they all prohibit the solicitation of testimonials from your current clients, just like the a PA, the a CA, the NASW.
[00:15:33] They're all, they're all protected and there's all ethical reasons for not asking for, um, testimonials from your clients. So who can you ask if you can't ask your clients, who can you ask? So you're you can ask for a review from anyone with whom you don't have a clinical relationship with.
[00:15:55] This includes the general public. People who found your course, [00:16:00] listened to your workshop, read your book on social media or a website, they're not your clients. They've never sat on your couch. You can also ask for colleagues and peers. If you've been in a panel with somebody, if you did a podcast with somebody, if you did supervision with somebody, you went to a networking event with somebody.
[00:16:19] Other professionals who can vouch for the quality of your educational content can also. Write a review. If you have students or attendees, these are not your clients, but they are students or customers. If you give a public workshop or a three hour seminar to a group of strangers, you go to a school and talk to teachers.
[00:16:39] You're, you do an adjunct, adjunct professor, uh, you do a you help out in a class. You can ask for feedback or testimonials for that speci specific event. If you come on my podcast and you talk about your service, I can write a review for you if [00:17:00] you have, um, if you rent a, an office in a business where your neighbors, you can ask 'em on my good neighbor and have them write a review for your character.
[00:17:11] The general rule is that I found once a patient, always a patient. So don't ask patients for reviews, but you can ask customers in general, public to review your course. Workshop, webinar handout, not patients, you can't ask patients ethically, you can't ask patients for reviews. So when you, when, so you have a group of people that you can look for testimonials for your online product.
[00:17:40] If they take the time to respond, that's great. That's feedback. Now I want to give you a simple way to do this, to make it easy for you. I'm also gonna include a handout in the end. At the show notes, I wanna give you four questions that work really well to frame up. Good. Good [00:18:00] testimonials, good proof.
[00:18:01] Before we worked together, what were you struggling with? Two. What made you decide to try this? Number three, what changed for you during or after our work together? Number four. How would you describe this experience to a friend who is on the fence? So those are for people who, who were your students, bought your course, read your book, one of those educational things.
[00:18:28] I'll have more questions for community members in the handout in the show notes. You are not asking. So that's it. You're not asking for praise, you're not asking for hollow praise, you're asking for their perspective. You're collecting data, you're collecting proof. if you wanna say something like, I'm trying to get a be, I'm trying to get better at serving people like you, honest experience would help.
[00:18:54] That is not pressure, that's asking for their experience. People love to support [00:19:00] people that they, that have helped them. If you've helped them, they're gonna write it. Now what do you do with this proof Once you have it?
[00:19:07] Proof isn't something you just collect, it's you. You gotta place it somewhere. It's great to have it and it's great to collect it, but there are. Places where this belongs. So let me give you three places this could go on your page the page you write in your emails, and in your, it, it should go in your heart and mind as well.
[00:19:30] First, the proof belongs on your page. Your website's not a resume. It's not a list of credentials. It's a place where somebody's asking. Does this person get me? Is this person safe? Can they help me? Do they understand my problem well? Can they help somebody like me? Have they helped anybody like me before?
[00:19:50] They're scanning for confirmation. A short line of proof helps answer that. It's just simple human signals. This [00:20:00] person is like me. This person has done things that I want to do. I can now, I now can feel confident that they can help me.
[00:20:09] They hold up a mirror like those, the testimonials hold up a mirror letting people see themselves in the work they do. The right person, they're gonna recognize, oh, that's me. They can help me. The wrong person, it's going to repel them. But that's okay because we are trying to send up signals for the right people.
[00:20:28] Repel people who are not the right fit. So you're gonna sprinkle your proof in your emails not all at once, but having good testimonials is a strong indication that you can help people.
[00:20:45] This builds trust. If you share with people who they can identify with, that this person's like me, you're gonna build trust. And finally, it's good to have these tucked away in your heart and mind. [00:21:00] Entrepreneurship is hard. There's so many negative messages out there. There's so many failures and roadblocks and problems that we have to overcome.
[00:21:11] It's just nice to tuck away the good things. It's nice to tuck away the thoughts and praise of people who you've truly helped. During the hard days, you can remember, you can combat the negative thoughts with the truth. Nobody can take that away. And that's where the proof does. Its real work.
[00:21:33] It reminds you that you're not a failure. It reminds you that you are making an IM an impact. It reminds you that you're gonna get to the top of that hill and see the vision. It doesn't happen all at once, but. It's a, it's a confidence booster. It's a sign on the road that you are heading in the right direction.
[00:21:53] I know when I'm hiking, I love seeing the signs that say, you know, your stop is one mile away. Your stop [00:22:00] is two miles wide. It just helps me know that I am not lost. So start collecting that proof. When you start collecting that proof, your strength stops being emot emotional.
[00:22:14] It becomes commun co compound. It compounds on itself on the good days. It keeps you grounded on the bad days. It keeps you from quitting. You start seeing patterns instead of isolated moments, and you can share that with other people that are just like them, that want to engage with your help. It gives them permission to join with you.
[00:22:39] So your next step, here's your next step. If you've listened this far, go to the show notes, download the handout, look at the questions, and use it to craft an email that you can send out to somebody if you sold a product. If you have written a book, if you've done a webinar. Send [00:23:00] out an email asking for support if you're, if they're all clients, then send, uh, use the, use the handout.
[00:23:06] There'll be some questions in there that you can send to peers for some peer review. On, uh, getting some testimonials. Send one email, ask four questions, see what happens. Save the response in a folder where you can use it for your emails, for your page, and also to return to when you need that the proof to pick you up.
[00:23:29] Uh, in the next episode, we're gonna talk about the second part of the confidence pillar. We're gonna talk about Plan to Succeed, and this is all about setting goals. I love my plan. I would feel so lost without a plan. I'd feel like I'm just doing work without a direction, you know, like a rocking chair.
[00:23:51] I'm doing so much work, but I'm not heading anywhere. So tune in next week. We're gonna talk about that plan. It's the second, second part of the confidence pillar. [00:24:00] Remember, you don't need to be perfect to get started. You just gotta start I want to remind you that you're, you're probably already further along than you believe, so it's now time to, uh, send an email, get some feedback, and continue to put your mission in motion.
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